Back in the foreign streets to find my whimsy!

 

So I am back out in these "foreign streets," as I like to call it. I came back to a country that I have been to because I didn't get to explore like I wanted to the last time. But after here, I'm going to a place I have wanted to go for a long time. It's the place that has led me to do this solo traveling in the first place. I have a lot to say, so bear with me a bit.

I want to talk about belief, specifically belief systems. I believe I was guided to do this. I have said before that I read Tarot, and if you go back to the beginning of this blog, you will see how all of this came about. But to briefly explain, I asked the universe, God, the divine, whatever label you feel comfortable with. I asked where I should go, and the universe answered. It took two years for it to finally come to fruition. But things take time. Some call it Divine timing. That's one phrase I go back and forth on, but I digress.

I did a reading before I came, and there was a section that stood out to me the most. The main theme, or advice, as I like to see it, is the 9 of Cups and the 10 of Cups. Happiness and wish fulfillment are the themes for both of those cards. It came with Hex and Hopeless. And I have been struggling with Hope. I have or have had a rough relationship with Hope. It tends to disappoint me... a lot. But with the 4 of Swords and the Hanged Man, I believe I need to look at Hope through another perspective. The Four of Swords is about Respite, moving away from the mental noise the 3 of Swords, Loss and Grief, can usually bring. I don't want to travel alone, but I'm also not about to wait for someone to show up or be in my life for me to do something I have always wanted and felt guided to do. Maybe Hope isn't always about waiting for something to happen. Maybe sometimes Hope is simply believing there is something on the other side of the unknown, and being willing to walk toward it.

When I first touched down, I wrestled with that and got reminded of this reading. But when I finally got to my Airbnb and settled in, I noticed a book. "Happiness is a Choice" by Barry Neil Kaufman. Now, to some, that might not be a big deal. But for me, and how my life usually goes, this book definitely seems significant. Now, I'm not done reading, but so far this book has reminded me of my whimsy. And maybe that is part of what I came here for too. Not just to see a new place, but to hear that little voice inside of me that gets drowned out so easily when the world gets too loud.

My whimsy? Well, I see meaning in a lot of things. I can see something that I have been thinking and contemplating on, and I see a sign. Like I said, I ask a question and I get an answer. And usually when I follow that breadcrumb, it always leads me to something life changing. I will give an example. When I was living in Atlanta and I was contemplating moving to Arizona, I was driving one day and I asked God if I should make that move. When I was driving on the highway, I came right behind a U-Haul truck, and the arrow on the back pointed down to an Arizona license plate. I made my decision, and that move changed not only my life but my spiritual beliefs. Same when I moved into the house I just moved out of. When I went to go tour the house, I asked if I was going to get the home. Another truck I was behind said, "You make it your home." We got the house, and staying in that house has changed me internally. I think you know where I'm going with this. This is how my life has always been. Those are just a few examples. My life has always had these little breadcrumbs scattered along the road. I don't expect everyone to see them the way I do. Hell, I don't even expect everyone to believe what I believe. But I know what it feels like when I follow one, and where it has taken me before.

But unfortunately, people that have been around me, and people that don't hardly know me, have tried to dismiss and rationalize this part of me. They try to throw their logic and belief systems at me, wanting me to make their beliefs my own. I also noticed how I was unintentionally trying to do that to others, so I stopped doing that myself. We come into this world already taking on our parents' beliefs. I have talked about this a lot before. But we have to try hard to filter out and unlearn those beliefs so we can listen to our own true belief system. I think that is so important. There is a difference between telling someone what you believe and telling someone what they are supposed to believe. I don't want to do the latter anymore. I don't want to take away someone else's breadcrumbs just because I don't recognize the path they are walking.

I think that takes tapping into that inner child. I have always been a whimsical being. I remember when I was a kid. I was riding on the bus, it was a daycare bus, and it had just gotten done raining. The sun was peeking through the clouds, creating these beautiful rays of light, and I looked up at it with so much wonder and said out loud, "That's God!" You know what that bus driver said to me? "THAT'S NOT GOD, IF THAT WAS GOD YOU WOULD BE DEAD!" That's how adults/humans kill a child's imagination and whimsy. Who the fuck was she to tell me who the fuck God is to me? In that moment, to me, that was God at 5 years old. Maybe I didn't have the words for what I was experiencing. Maybe I didn't need them. I just knew that I looked up and saw something beautiful, something that made me feel wonder, and I called it God. This world does enough to people every day. We all should be mindful not to destroy someone else's imagination/whimsy/beliefs just because we don't understand them. Sometimes a child sees something beautiful and the worst thing an adult can do is tell them they aren't allowed to see it that way.

But for me, I think moving away from the extra noise has helped a lot. The universe/divine has been nudging me to get off social media. For almost 2-3 years, I have been getting that feeling. Until a time in August, I saw something that threw me a bit off my square. But that's another thing that also happens. I get nudges to do something and don't do it, there is always a Tower moment that happens to make me do it. I used to say that when the divine tells me to do something and I don't listen, and they have to step in and make it happen for me, it's never in a way that I like it.

So from that moment on, I refused to consume anything. Not YouTube, which was the biggest one for me, not TikTok, and I barely get on Instagram to consume anyway. I just post and go. But it has cut out all of that outside noise so I can hear my inner voice and not be bombarded by everyone's random opinions and commentary. I don't want to know the latest gossip about people I don't even know. I don't want to hear about narcissists or avoidant people and how to deal with them. I don't want to know about the orange-haired man in the White House and every new headline about what he is doing to the country or what people fear he could do to the world. I don't want to know about every argument, every outrage, every new thing I am apparently supposed to have an opinion about. I think about this a lot. There are so many places in this world where people know nothing about what's going on in the news or the blogs. Not one absolute clue do they have. They are in their homes or farms or wherever, living their simple life. And maybe there is something beautiful about that. Even now, in my Airbnb, I have the TV on a channel that plays CSI and The Mentalist in Spanish lol. I draw, I read, I learn Portuguese, eat, fuck myself, and sleep. I don't want to know anything. I didn't wait until I got here to do all this. I started even before I got here. I came back out into these "foreign streets" to truly listen and find more of my whimsy. Hopefully, there goes that word Hope again. But hopefully... no.... I will find more of it. I will find more of that part of me that was always there, before the world told me what things were supposed to mean, before other people's beliefs became louder than my own, before I learned to question the little girl who could look up at the sky and simply say, "That's God." And to think, this is just the beginning.